#but i am very much not british and have no clue where to put it

[sesamenom]

dear british silm people: where approximately would be a good place for the Dagorath final battle to happen?

[akkivee]

hello vee.

@/twogallonhats on twitter made this iceberg, and now i am subjecting you to this. Explain to the best of your knowledge, good luck.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay sure

idk why rhyme anima is listed tbh it’s just a zany anime version of hypmic but that very well may be the reason lol like it gave us a man by the name of tom whisper weathercock lol

there’s always a prolific push for your fav to win the drb lol. iirc during the championship round in the 1st drb there was a fan?? fans??? who gave money to some guy with a following to post a video of him asking everyone to vote for mtc lol. jp fans for the second got together and made eng/kor/ch instructions on how to vote in the vr battles it’s a time can’t wait for that to kick off next year 😬

arb is technically not canon and therefore ooc lol

idk what hypmic tictok sounds mean. i can tell you of a few times hypmic was trending on tiktok tho lol

idk if they were even a soundcloud rapper, but some soundcloud rapper fell in love with hypmic and decided to make ichiro his oc/persona and put himself on a team with jyushi and samatoki and they were california division lol

back in 2018???? hypmic posted a christmas video except it was just champagne gold and base hifumi.png in a santa hat slid across the screen truly graphic design is hypmic’s passion lol

i mean there was a brief time there were rp accounts on twt so ig that’s what it

kimura loves black people so much and wants to be black so bad he felt the need to bl@ckface for one of his album drops. fandom asked he take down the posts, he didn’t, fans called him out on it, he blocked them

around the time when there was rumblings that gbr was exiting uhhhhh the eu i think, a dice cosplayer had a video of themselves popping mentos in a coke bottle go viral. someone in british politics used it as a metaphor for whatever stance they had on brexit lol

lol i’m lumping hypstage and hypnama together since i don’t think there’s a real reason they’re listed other than occasionally being points of discussion

hifumi was the original tbh creature

asmr tubers vibe with hypmic characters being their yandere bfs

idk if it’s more than memeing on hitoya but that hitoya card in the pic was clowned on so hard LOL

i couldn’t tell you a specific instance of it but hypmic jank includes frequent misspellings lol

lol i also don’t know if there’s actual controversy behind oridivis besides them getting thanos snapped

*rio voice* curry friday and the mtc seiyuu used to celebrate it lol

there was a collab with some instant curry company (probably called curry meshi lol) and they had the leaders rap a song for it. the songs’ are fun and what’s even funnier is that the song has the leaders sharing this curry and kuukou technically didn’t eat the curry bc it was all gone by the time the cup reached him (and jakurai ate most of it LOL)

i have no fcking clue what weenor busujima is lol

the fact hyprice is a thing is a damn good reason to be here lol. ogs know a hypmic series producer made the joke in 2018 during a hypnama that spawned the concept years later lmao

there was a typo on kuukou’s introductory bio that said he was 68cm LOL

akuma no hana is indeed a song about sex idk what else to tell ya lol

throwback to the hypmic bathtubs they had a live for crazy ass hypmic merch moments lol

the hangout streams are located in this building called mixalive. instead tagging that building’s twt for one of their events, hypnosis flava iirc, they mistakenly tagged a porn twt lol

there was an art trend a few years ago where artists drew their bde faves (and even real people got in on the trend) balancing a shampoo bottle on their big 🍆. ichiro was unfortunately the face of the trend

stage hitoya went viral for that pic used in the iceberg and i had to see randos calling him a two face ass character ONLY HYPMICS ARE ALLOWED TO BULLY HITOYA DAMN YOU

the seiyuu are always getting up to shit backstage lmao tradition is ishiya-san and amasaki-san prowling up on the mtc seiyuu menacingly lmao

if there’s drama or anything of relevance outside of yes stream discords exist, ion know about it lol

a few songs are inspired by/interpolate from other songs. this a normal thing in the music industry (let’s get physical by olivia newton john and physical by dua lipa comes to mind) but hypmic caught a lot of flack for ‘stealing’ from black artists. shinogi dead pools is kendrick lamar’s drank swimming pools bar for bar lol but again, it’s very normal lol the whole kendrick vs drake rap battle that happened this year literally was them using each other’s sound to diss them

some european(?) indie film had an actor wearing ichiro’s jacket

there was a brief trend in jp where they made snow sculptures of their characters as means of attractions and hypmic jumped in on it. it produced the ugliest kuukou known to man he was so unflatteringly scrunckly i loved him LOL

????? bat seiyuu family???? i’m sure what i have in mind is not what they have in mind lol but i mean yeah it’s a running joke that the bat seiyuu consider each other family lol shoutout to sakakihara-san randomly calling hayama-san his ‘onii-chan’ and both hayama-san and sakakihara-san bullying tf outta takeuchi-san by calling him ‘papa’ lol

ariana grande is based about samatoki and there’s proof lol

hypmic vs crsm rap battle was REAL and fumiya wanted to EAT THEM

kamio-san has taken to slapping kuroda-san’s ass and kuroda-san has taken to trying to murder him for it 😌

quite recently lol mtr’s album art was leaked ahead of the hangout stream in a post meant to advertise the fan meeting lol

british dice was a theory i didn’t pay attention to bc i kinda thought just the concept was dumb *wheeze* i think it had something to do with a mistranslation about dice’s father

the rest of that tier i have no fcking clue about lol

in a camera transition during the 9th live, someone’s desktop background was on screen instead of the yknow, livestreaming concert lmao

they got some ddb members to make choreography to move your body til you die!!! i tried i didn’t think it was too bad but the pace of the dance needed to be slowed down eventually lol

if this isn’t poking fun at sensei saying men should automatically know how to rap idk what that is lol

if there’s a trip the mtc seiyuu have taken that stands out from the others, i don’t know about it lol

the hypmic cafe that’s going on rn have these stickers??? standees??? for sale and someone stole all of samatoki’s LOL

[sleepy0s]

the trio

This is like YHS was transported to hermitcraft! Quotes as you go.

It's midnight, I am so close to kicking my cat out of the room.

~~~

A bit of Narrating? IDK

~~~

Okay, so.. Current situation! Grian is gone..? No one knows where he is. But there are three young kids on the server! Maybe young.? They're like 16, we think. Either way, two of them have very heavy Japanese accents, the third has a mix of a british.? And the Japanese accent.? They keep whispering to each other in Japanese.. God if only Etho were here. 

~~~

Okay! Update! They know english. And, we’ve learnt their names! Sam, Taurtis and Grian. Now, even though all three of them seem very cute, Grian is very secretive about his past so it can't all be that good.

Talking about Grian! He is so cute! He's got cute little white dove? Wings, overly fluffy brown hair and so many freckles! He’s like a little bundle of joy! (Why isn't he like this anymore?)

~~~~~~~~~~

To the fic!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

YHS!Sam: If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your drink.

YHS!Grian: If I was your husband, I'd drink it.

~

Okay, lesson learnt. Don’t talk about relationships. 

The topic had come up between Pearl, Scar and Iskall. Unfortunately, Grian, Sam and Taurtis were nearby and started talking about it.

“Hey Sam, who do you think is most likely to get together from school?” Taurtis asked, skipping ahead of the two. “I dunno. Don’t think about that much.” Sam shrugged, looking towards Grian, “What about you Gree-on?”

“Not a clue. But I hope i dont get with either of you. I want a calm life in the future.” 

“Hey! I'm Calm!” Taurtis protested, gasping with fake offence.

Sam had stopped walking and was just standing on the path, a smile on his face, “You good Sam?” Grian asked, stopping to look at him.

He took a second, thinking about his words before talking, “Gree-on, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your drink.” Taurtis was shocked. Not because of his words, no, no that was a normal thing for Sam to say. But because he had the guts to say it on hermitcraft, who all seemed to be very protective over Grian.

Grian, who walked over to Sam, his white wings twitching. He leaned in close to Sam’s ear before whispering, “If i was your husband.. I drink it.” Before he smiled and skipped over to Taurtis

~~~

Scar: Life could be a lot worse Taurtis

Taurtis: Life could be a whole lot better too!

~

Forced therapy, ah. Everyone's favourite thing.

Cub was currently sitting in a locked room, Taurtis sat opposite him. The teenager seemed.. Displeased. Their conversation had been going well, Cub had managed to get Taurtis to open up a bit.

“Just remember Taurtis. Life could be a whole lot worse.?” Okay, now that he thinks about it, maybe that is not the best use of words. This was obviously proven when Taurtis started yelling.

“IM SORRY? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!?” Cub tried to speak, but was immediately cut off by Taurtis, “Did YOUR best friend stab you!? Do YOU live with a psychopath? Are YOU threatened with a knife almost EVERY day?”

“I-” 

“YEAH sure life could be worse. BUT IT COULD ALSO BE A WHOLE LOT BETTER!”

~~~

There you go c:

ALSO! By the time this is read it's probably gonna be christmas eve c: that just makes me happy

~~~

[upward-centrifuge]

the seadweller post, aka the first and last time i will give this much of a shit about homestuck fish.

No clue how to introduce this, so I'm just going to tell you what is true about seadwellers canonically. Seadwellers are completely distinct from everyone else on the hemospectrum, including other highbloods, in a way that isn't dissimilar to the aristocracy. Only the fuschias are actually rulers, but the violets are still royalty. Like, explicitly they are royalty. The seadwellers live in their own little world that is separate from everyone else, and they are ALL royalty. They don't have to worry about culling, they don't have to worry about money, and yet they are still people in an unjust system and this does have consequences.

In fragments, for this reason, I portray seadweller society very blatantly as an aristocracy. And the thing about an aristocracy is that it is its own tiny society where the stakes are different, the rules are different, and there are countless eyes on you at all times.

Don't get me wrong, these people are immensely privileged. They experience almost none of the risks and dangers the average Alternian faces. However, they are locked constantly in a risky social game. One in which other people are often the pawns.

They live in a world of constant power struggle, turmoil, and subterfuge, where every single action means something. This is what compels people about period dramas that focus on royalty and rich people. The aristocracy suffers no real threats, so they play convoluted power games that can be much more fun to watch.

Now, I don't focus on all this much in fragments, because one, that's a lot of screen time to spend on something ultimately more or less irrelevant to the story; and two, I don't actually find this kind of subtle power play all that compelling. It's nice sometimes, as a little treat, but you're not gonna find me watching Downton Abbey. lol.

Why I bring this all up is again, to reiterate: the seadweller aristocracy is Like That because they are at the very top. They suffer no real threats, so they have to create their own hostile little society. This goes for the hemospectrum, too. When everyone in your little society-within-a-society is at the very top of the food chain, you can't use normal hierarchy as a quick way of controlling people. So you create your own heirarcies. Seadweller society in fragments is hyper-aware of physical differences. Ethnic and regional features that are just considered "people look different depending on where they're from, big surprise" by other castes become distinct ethnic groups in the eyes of seadwellers, and it's how they form their pecking order.

In the eyes of your average Alternian, if you put a member of their caste from somewhere cold and a member of their caste from somewhere hot next to each other and then asked them to tell you the difference, they might identify ethnic traits, like one of them being fatter, but they're just as likely to point out those traits as any other traits, like the two being different genders. They're also most likely not going to attribute those physical differences to anything other than random chance.

Meanwhile, if you asked your average seadweller to do the same, they'd immediately be able to identify one as a larger-than-life, brightly colored tropic-dweller, and the other as a hardy, blubbery icefish. This shit is a big deal to them, and they're pretty racist about it.

This is why I mentioned my seadweller hierarchy as something I think a larger fanbase would love to misinterpet. I fear that the collective tumblr fandom hivemind would see that and decide that rich people are oppressed on my version of Alternia. In fact, what I am actually trying to portray is the subtle power dynamics that the obscenely rich and powerful create amongst themselves, and those dynamics do frequently involve race and ethnicity. Turn away from the British/European upper class, look at Robber Barons in America or the games that politicians play amongst themselves. Hell, look at the American middle class. There's a lot to observe.

[neverwalka1one]

Magnus Protocol 27

Yes I skipped making one of these for 26, it was a week and a half and mostly it consisted of me going 'plz stop poking the Spiral Lady she might eat you' at Celia, so.

Kidnapping/consumption, there is no way that classification can mean good things, nope.

Sam just kind of... sucks at grunt work. Like. I know he never meant to do a busywork type of job, this was a fallback, but... look. If Lena wasn't bound and determined to Not Have To Hire More People, Sam would be out on his ass in a week. You don't get that sassy with an overbearing manager and not eat asphalt. Sam, that's a clue, take it, please, omg.

Lena is tidying away Colin's files. Can someone get us proof of life on Colin?

$10 says Lena's planning on feeding Sam to one of the externals.

Oh Gwen, living down to middle manager tropes are we?

Hi Augustus, horrible to hear you, what ye olde times horror do you have for us you utter psychopath?

Strong alchemy vibes, gotta love it

So the institute is instituting (Magnussing?) by committee, I think I'm seeing why the Institute didn't overpower this world.

.... this is Jonah Magnus. THIS IS JONAH MAGNUS HI JONAH YOU ASS WHERE DID YOU PUT JON AND MARTIN

The eeeeeeeeeeeeeeye [snork] dude, stahp.

... uh. That coach ate a dude.

Hey Magnus. Magnus. Go get et by a coach.

Boyle! I got that reference. And Boyle is from the same time as Newton, so like... what, is this a committee you get to join because you inherited a seat? What, my daddy's rich and in this secret society I am too? .... actually nm that's pretty on point.

So if Boyle and Newton are from late 1600's (ish), and these letters are from nearly 200 years later... were there earlier Magnuses? It sounds like the institute is being named after him personally, so if there were, why is he so special? If there weren't, how did he get into the >200 year old rich boy's club? Why is it still a committee? Or was Newton more part of what the government bit is, that wipes Institute-esque things off the map when they get too powerful? Halp.

Jonah Magnus magnussing over here feeding his colleague to a coach with very little to no remorse I applaud Archibald (who tragically does not appear to be a real person) for spending his last moments cussing out Jonah Magnus.

Jonah has figured out about the Fears. Smirke's coming up next, isn't he? Oh no.

'Do you ever get weird emails' '[deadpan] I'm openly trans on the internet.' Read her to filth, Alice. Get her ass.

'We're not doing this now.' Doing whaaaat, Gwen? Sorta hate-flirting? Approaching romance sidelong like it might bite? C'mon, you were having fun.

Nooooooooo not the breakrooooooooooooooooooom FINE I'll break out the transcripts.

'What was that?' 'That was sex, Sam.' OOF. Sam, my shrimp king, never let Alice know Celia said that, even in jest, she'll roast you forever. Also 'pretty decent' sex? Damned by faint praise much? Or is this one of those 'if I vaguely praise it it was awesome, but if I'm very enthusiastic I think it was trash' British things?

Trevor Herbert is the MP????? That hobo-ass vampire slayer? Oh god, at least he'll get on with Lady Mowbrey.

Nope, still hung up on TREVOR being an elected official, I can't, help.

Whoop, Celia is spooked by the Archivist, what, you didn't clue in... ohhhh. oh no. She didn't hear the story last week. With the eyes. hahaha oh no.

Oh sure Celia, you just 'happen' to find the Hilltop Road property, just coinkidink, yup, just got a 'feeling' about it, yah-huh. If there are spiders there I'm going to be yelling so loud.

[abiiors]

Omg, this is very random but I just want to ask how you became a 1975 fan ? Also, how long have you been a fan ?

oof sorry this is going to be long, because i have a very convoluted story lol.

so i had no clue who they were during self titled, i didn't even listen to a lot of english songs back then and even then i only listened to music that went super viral like i think i only listened to a bit of taylor swift and selena gomez etc.

then iliwys came out and i remember seeing the mv for the sound randomly?? (i don't even remember where) but it blew my mind for a lot of reasons because i was like wait!!! men can wear makeup!!! and look hot doing it??? (i grew up in a very conservative country/culture for context) and also the fact that they put the negative comments in it which i found so iconic back then (still do actually) so i started listening to some of their music (robbers, chocolate, somebody else etc) but not much. i definitely didn't have any idea about the band members i just liked some of the songs. i looked up the music videos and i knew what they looked like but i never tried to like find out more about them and stuff.

cut to some time later when i started dating a "band guy" whose only personality was listening to "indie music". i say it like that because i genuinely don't remember if bands like coldplay and radiohead were big in my country back then but to me, they were a new thing because again, didn't listen to a lot of english music back then. this guy happened to be a big fan of the 1975 (also arctic monkeys) and he was one of those "oh babe, you don't know what real music is babe" type of guys who would cringe at taylor swift/one direction songs which is exactly what i was into back then (still am, i would sell my organs to attend a one direction concert) and i started absolutely despising him and his music taste even when i actually kinda liked the 1975 (didn't know about arctic monkeys before him tho). i was like fuck this, fuck you and fuck your fav bands, i will never listen to them ever again out of spite.

so i didn't for the longest time. cut to a bit before notes (i want to say maybe mid 2019-ish) i started really getting into classic rock and stuff because i had a whole new group of friends who was into that (and they were really nice about it too, unlike the dickhead) they introduced me to a lot of classic rock artists, majority of whom happen to be british and so i just got more into british music in general which is how i was reintroduced to arctic monkeys and 1975. and basically when lockdown hit it was me (in a whole different country, without my family or friends), my loneliness and my spotify against the world which is how i became obsessed with both 1975 and arctic monkeys so yeah, pettiness and spite that i regret in hindsight but if that guy ever found out that i run a fan blog for both these bands now, i will actually never hear the end of it.

did he have good taste in music? actually yes, he did but he was a fucking twat about it and so we hate him.

[signalwatch]

We Watched Eurovision 2023 (from the US. Texas, no less.)

I will be accused of only watching Eurovision 2023 because this edition was co-hosted by actor/ singer/ performer Hannah Waddingham of Ted Lasso fame.  First - how dare you.  Second - she looked amazing.

We've all heard of Eurovision, but until recently, it didn't air here in the US that I'm aware of.  In recent years we'd see twitter going bananas for it, but it was during daylight and work hours, and it was very unclear what was occurring over there.  But folks of all ages and walks of life seemed into it, so I think that piqued the curiosity of some of us.

Right at the start of COVID, I remember watching the Eurovision movie starring Will Ferrell, and it gave me *some* clue as to what was happening and how it worked, but, honestly, raised more questions than it answered.

what needs no explanation is Hannah's gown on Night 2 of the semi-finals

Then, two years ago, Jamie left me alone at home in the middle of the day - and I cannot imagine where she went, because this was *prime* COVID-hiding time.  But, left alone, I saw on twitter that Eurovision was happening, and that it was on Peacock.  I planned to tune in for fifteen minutes to check it out, but wound up sitting totally locked in for probably 3.5 hours (the finals this year ran 4:15).  Returned home, Jamie caught a bit of it, but didn't get the full deluge of sitting, trying to figure out what the hell we were looking at as act after act took the stage.

Some of you will know the winners from that year (2021), Italian rock outfit Måneskin.  They're pretty solid!

Last year we had a multi-day family event and missed the whole thing.  

But this year, nothing was going on. And, again, Waddingham was there, so I tuned in.

One of the challenges of Eurovision, much like soccer here, is that it airs on commercial-free TV.  Asking American TV to carry something they can't break up with commercials every few minutes is unheard of.  Or was until the advent of streaming platforms.  And now I get soccer and Eurovision.  And probably detective shows about like, British cookie-tasters solving polite murders in quaint small towns.

I've mentioned to a few (US) people that I was watching, and to a person, they've said, "So, what is that?  Like... American Idol?"  

That's not a dig on the people who put it that way, but it is very hard to explain the scope of Eurovision to Americans who have spent two decades bombarded by terrible singing and talent competitions that mostly rely on your knowing who the judges are and listening to bad covers of music you previously liked.

I would judge all gowns here a smashing success

Eurovision is the final round of about 37 participating countries from Europe and Australia.  It's more like the World Cup of song competitions as each of these performers has already been selected by their country in local competition.  Of course, local competion means one thing in England and another in San Marino (which has a population of 30,000+ people).  

The finals see 26 countries, and - friends - I have no real idea how this works.  Like, UK, France, Italy, Germany and Spain just show up for the finals but not the semi-finals?  

The music is pop, but it's not necessarily what Americans think of when they think of pop.  Not that, here at age 48 and with zero kids (I'm aware of) to my name, that I would know what current pop sounds like.  But I am pretty sure, based on the fact I live a part of the country where Cumbia and Tejano are gigantic going concerns, "pop" is different for different people.  So, across, 37 countries, you get some interesting stuff.  That's to say, don't necessarily expect (checks Billboard) Miley Cyrus. But get an Albanian family-band dressed in disco versions of local folk-wear and turning an anthem into a banger. 

It's also worth noting, the music swings between folks looking for radio stardom and folks putting it on the line as House or, really, Novelty acts.  I may vote for someone because they're entertaining as hell on this show, but I may not put them on my everyday playlist.  And that's fine.  We aren't making any life or death decisions here.  

what is a great decision was the wardrobe for the first part of the finale.  Great jacket, Graham.

Eurovision is a *friendly* competition that happens when you live in a place with actual history and less monoculture, and the overall competition is deeply not-American.  No one here gives a flying @#$% about the US and our pop scene.  But what they are celebrating is that they all bring their best game, everyone gets a chance, and you basically get to party in the audience for 4 hours.  

There are no judges influencing voting or destroying the souls of the contestants.  There is some weighted voting before the popular vote is counted that's a bit like the Electoral College where countries send their 12 votes in.  Oh, and, by the way - you can't vote for people from your own country.  Just imagine.  We'd burn the show down here in the US.

The performances have set pieces, light shows, screen shows, dancers.  It's big and it's... a lot.  And that's kind of the fun of the thing.  Everything is cranked up to 11, and it's pop songs, so even if one song isn't your bag, it's only going to be 3 minutes and out.  But the musicians/ artists really need their act together.  So every song is a little bit of performance art as well as delivery of a single.  

speaking of art: Hannah's final look from Eurovision 2023

Do they lip-synch?  I assume so.  There's a lot of dancing and rolling around and other things that make live singing seem unlikely.  Nor do people have instruments in hand all the time, or are bands seen.  And that's fine.  Who cares?  It's performing to a song as much as performing a song.

Whichever country wins then hosts the next year's competition, which, to be honest, does not seem like enough time to get all of this together.  But I'll assume they know what they're doing.  

However, this year's Eurovision was held in Liverpool, despite the fact the UK was runner-up in 2022.  The winner of 2022 was Ukraine, and...  Americans could do well to see how this was handled.  

Yes, the UK provided three hosts (including Waddingham and Graham Norton), but they also very much included Ukraine in the proceedings, starting with a Ukrainian rock-star host, Julia Sanina (who was really good, and realized she could also cut loose like Waddingham by show's end).  But there were also Ukrainian acts who played the voting interval and other segments, and repeated call outs to Ukraine.  

If Russia wasn't feeling isolated before, seeing dozens of European countries in complete support of Ukraine (and never mentioning Russia directly) had to have felt like a massive PR problem that no psy-ops are going to erase.  And, after the war in Ukraine has dragged on, it's a welcome reminder of the continued war and need to maintain and demonstrate support for Ukraine.

The show also both implicitly and explicitly made calls for inclusivity and equality.  And, friends, that's something I hope we can all agree on.  

I am unsure if I'll watch both semi-finals and finals next year.  It'll depend on time available.  As Sweden's Loreen won, Waddingham won't be involved next year (I assume).  But that's not a deterrent from watching.  

By the way, (a) it seems like non-Ted Lasso fans discovered Waddingham this week and are here for her, and (b) at least two guys who were announcing who their countries were voting for clumsily attempted to flirt with Waddingham.  Shoot your shot, king.

The voting is dramatic and stressful, and much more interesting than the hammy results delivery on most American reality gameshows.  The combo of scores to a total feels immediate and less...  architected.  And, I have no idea what the demographic is for the show, because Non-Threatening Boys did not do well, but hyper-real weirdos did fantastic.  

My personal favorite acts were Croatia, Austria, Moldova, Lithuania, Finland, and, yes, winner Sweden, who I had to keep my mouth shut about because Jamie was not having a previous winner coming back to win again. Also, all things being equal, the Italian guy was good but not my favorite.

Finland

Sweden

https://ift.tt/biatTk7

from The Signal Watch https://ift.tt/gni4bwD

[chlorinetothevoid]

Putting my kindle unlimited subscription to work this month in the form of reading Rina Kent's works. As someone who had no clue where to start and has only seen bits from "God of Fury" advertised on my instagram feed, I did not know all her books were connected until I saw the suggested reading order on her website.

I opted to go for the suggested reading order and thus started with the first one on the list "Cruel King" which is #0 in the Royal Elite series.

I did successfully finish this book (yippee!) but let it be said I am not the sharpest tool in the shed because I did not understand the British school system as an uneducated american and thought these were college aged individuals until the FMC's 18th birthday is explicitly mentioned towards the end of the book. This unsettled me slightly but I persisted onward.

This has a lot of the tropes I have come to expect from book-sta's usual reels that being the "dark romance" trope everyone seems to love so much. This brought along the usual suspects in that genre in the form of a playboy MMC turned obsessive, a double dosing of traumatic pasts, some bullying, and a background forbidden love storyline. Also, football!

I found the obscene amount of Vikings references to be a bit of a drawback as I am not a fan of bringing the stories I read into a real world setting. I much prefer my stories to take me OUT of the real world thank you very much. All in all Levi King is the first in what are sure to be many red flag male protagonists, but for something labeled as a dark romance I was expecting a bit more edge and a lot less consent (not to say the consent in this book was always enthusiastic but I was expecting much, much worse).

Despite my initial reluctance, I will be continuing on to the next book in the series "Deviant King" whenever my ADHD allows me to.

[daggerzine]

The interview: Inside the mind of Aug Stone.

Aug Stone is a writer, musician, comedian and probably a few other things i am not aware of. I first got turned on to him in his terrific book Nick Cave’s Bar. Then, shortly after that, came The Ballad of Buttery Ass Cake, his latest novel which was even better than the Cave one. I wanted to know what makes this guy tick so I shot some questions his way and he was more than happy to answer. 

Read on and check out his website, too (listed at the bottom of the page...lots o’ goodies there). 

Ladies and gentlemen, i present, Aug Stone!

On stage in Brooklyn. 

When/where did the writing bug come from?

AS: I was working at a temp job at a bank in Boston after I graduated college in 1998 and I kept making notes on the adding machine paper. I had no real plans for what I was jotting down. But I was a voracious reader at the time, trying to devour all of Nabokov, Evelyn Waugh, and Martin Amis. At my next temp job, they only needed me for certain tasks so a lot of time was just spent waiting at my desk and I continued to write down whatever popped into my head. During this time I realized a novel was taking shape. I wrote a couple novels which were never published. Good practice. Though the best practice comes from just writing every day. As for writing about music, I clearly remember being on a train between Brussels and Antwerp in 2010 and it dawning on me that I should just start a blog. It comes from always being so excited about music and books and wanting to tell other people about them. I forgot about the blog thing for a few months but one night in March 2011, I went to a gig PennyBlackMusic was putting on in South London with The Hall Of Mirrors (Jessica Winter’s old band, excellent 60s-esque tunes) and Nick Garrie. I enjoyed the show so much, the next day I was inspired to start my First Kiss Lips blog. I just kept doing it and Bill from God Is In The TV soon told me if I ever wanted to write for them I could and I went at that with gusto. By the end of the year I had written my first piece for The Quietus and I was thrilled that John Doran emailed me when it was published that I should ‘write some more’ for them. Back in 2004 when I returned to the States after living in London for the first time, I had the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever had, so I knew I had to do it. I had been re-reading all the James Bond novels and I came up with the character of James Vagabond of the British Drunken Secret Service. I was really pleased with this and thought ‘well what can I have him do?’ Soon it hit me that he should go back in time to stop Prohibition from ever happening. I banged out a first draft of Off-License To Kill in about five weeks then revised it a few times over the years, and one last time after I quit drinking in 2012. It became a sort of ode to my drinking days, which were pretty fun for a while. It was around this time it was becoming easier to publish to self-publish so I decided to do that. After my best friend Andy died in August 2020, it was very important for me to get the Nick Cave’s Bar book out, as a tribute to our friendship. I had been telling the story live in the months before the pandemic hit and really wanted it to keep going. In fact, in the months after Andy passed away it became imperative to get it out there. I’d wake up every day and just have at it, wanting to share this bizarre adventure we went on as 23 year olds, trying to find a bar it was rumored our favourite singer owned, in a foreign country, without a clue as to its name or address, and which in the end turned out not to exist at all. Writing and publishing that was such a rewarding experience I’ve been full-steam-ahead ever since. Finished two books last year – The Ballad Of Buttery Cake Ass and a collection of tall tales about the role facial hair has played over the years in athletic competition, called Sporting Moustaches, which Sagging Meniscus is publishing next April. Hard at work on a new one as well.

Do you remember your first piece of writing as a youngster?

AS: Yeah. And it’s kind-of strange because it wasn’t really mine. Along with a couple others in my fifth grade class, I was picked to write a short story. I told my grandfather about it and he told me that he once had an idea for a story. My grandfather was a very creative man musically, artistically, but this was the only time I’d ever heard him mention writing. So I took his idea and added the details. The plot was about a scientist who is arrested and will most likely be sent to the electric chair so he lets it slip that as a safety measure he has invented and swallowed a device the size of a pea, that if connected to a surge of electricity has the power to blow up an entire city. Not the sort of thing I’d usually write. I also found recently some ideas for comics I wrote when I was even younger which were basically just Asterix rip-offs set in outer space and in feudal Japan (I was fascinated by martial arts as a child). I’ve got a couple comics scripts in the works as well. Would love to find an artist for them.

Southpaw Beach Sunset

What’s the last book you read?

  AS: Ned Beauman’s latest novel, Venomous Lumpsucker. Which I very much enjoyed. I’m a big fan of his work. I took a chance on his Madness Is Better Than Defeat when I was driving across country in 2018. Loved it. And The Teleportation Accident is even better. I love how his work takes you all over the place and you never know where it’s going next, all while maintaining a strong narrative that doesn’t get knocked about by these wild waves. It’s quite unique. Very funny too.

Where did the inspiration come from The Ballad of Buttery Ass Cake?

AS: When my childhood best friend and I were teenagers we used to make up fake bands to ask for at record stores. And to this day, one of the funniest things I have ever heard in my life was hearing Bri ask the clerk at Cutler’s Records & Tapes in New Haven, CT one day during winter break in 1991 if they had anything by Buttery Cake Ass. The guy behind the counter really wanted to help, you could see it in his eyes, there were a lot of bands with strange names around at the time – Ned’s Atomic Dustbin, Poi Dog Pondering, Meat Beat Manifesto – and New Haven was a big college town with good taste in music. He asked us ‘Is there any particular album you’re looking for?’ Without missing a beat, I said the first thing that popped into my head ‘Live In Hungaria’. The guy looked even more puzzled. ‘Do you mean ‘Live In Hungary’. Bri and I got very serious, shaking our heads no. ‘It’s definitely Live In Hungaria’. And as that poor man walked away to go check their stock for a record we had made up only seconds before, holding in that laughter was a feeling of utterly absurd joy. A feeling I always try to get back to whenever I do comedy. So I decided to tell the Buttery Cake Ass story, based around two best friends who go on a years long quest to find Live In Hungaria and along the way, piece together the history of the band. It’s bizarre how much of my own life went into a book called The Ballad Of Buttery Cake Ass. But I ended up using a lot of what it was like in my early bands, when you have these huge ideas about music and what you want your place in it to be, all the while having little idea how to make any of that happen. And when I got to college my friend Vic and I went on some pretty epic record shopping extravaganzas around Boston. Ones that left both body and wallet utterly exhausted. I drew on those experiences quite heavily for the quest part of the story.

At Repo Records.

Is the writing, music and comedy all intertwined in your brain?

  AS: Yeah. This all comes out in its purest form in my Young Southpaw stories. That’s really how my brain works, going off on wild tangents sparked off by some musical connection or other. Ideas like ‘what if David Bowie had replaced David Lee Roth as the singer of Van Halen?’ or ‘what if Gilligan’s Island had been a musical, with instead of Bob Denver get John Denver, have Geri Halliwell/Ginger Spice as Ginger, Professor Griff from Public Enemy, and of course Thurston Moore as Thurston Howell III’. I’ve really liked putting those stories to music in recent years, and I have a backlog of stuff I still have to record.

When was your first stand up gig? how did you feel before and afterward?

AS: October 4, 2018. I rarely make New Year’s resolutions but that year I did because stand up was always something I’d wanted to try. I’d recorded the first long form Young Southpaw story, “At The Movies”, in August so I finally had ‘material’. And I realized time was running out, 2/3 of the year was already gone. Now, I have a big interest in Chinese Metaphysics and within that realm there’s something called Date Selection, choosing the optimal time to do something. So I chose that date and then set about looking for open mics in Nashville, where I was living at the time. And there weren’t any! But there was one in Memphis, 210 miles away. And I thought, well, if I’m gonna do this, this will show the seriousness of my intent. I took the day off work and drove down, listening to the audiobook of James Montague’s excellent Thirty-One Nil: On The Road With Football’s Outsiders and occasionally going over my 5 minute set. Not too much, to keep it fresh. The feeling before was one of just pure intent and focus. I was going to do this. Though I had no idea what to expect. And it did dawn on me how strange what I was doing was, especially considering the out-there-ness of the Southpaw material. But I got to the place, The P&H Café, and there was a big painting of Elvis above the stage and I love Elvis. Everything seemed right, like this was what I was supposed to be doing. I went on sixth and it was AMAZING! That first laugh came about 30 seconds in and it was just the best feeling. The host thanked me for getting the crowd laughing, because no one really had been before, and people came up to me to say how much they liked the surrealness of it and all the musical references. I was on cloud nine. I mentioned Cynthia Rhodes in that very first set. She was my first crush after seeing her in Staying Alive and I remembered the final scene to that movie where John Travolta tells her what he feels like doing now is to strut so I strutted all the way back to my car and drove the three hours home feeling great the whole way, like my new life had begun.

Aug in front of a window. 

What’s your top 10 desert island discs?

AS: (in no particular order) The Afghan Whigs – Black Love Dolly Mixture – The Demonstration Tapes Pharoah Sanders – Pharoah Miles Davis – Tribute To Jack Johnson Rancid - ...And Out Come The Wolves Hanoi Rocks – Back To Mystery City Girlfrendo – Surprise! Surprise! It’s Girlfrendo Guided By Voices – Human Amusements At Hourly Rates (is a Best Of cheating? I need this for the full-on rock version of ‘Game Of Pricks’) Van Halen - 1984 The Replacements – Pleased To Meet Me

The first band that made you want to give music a shot?

AS: It was seeing the world premiere of David Lee Roth’s ‘Yankee Rose’ video in the summer of 1986 that made me want to pick up a guitar. I thought Steve Vai making the guitar ‘talk’ was the coolest thing ever. I learned on an old acoustic that my grandfather built, the strings were 3 inches off the fretboard! But this convinced my parents I was serious and for xmas that year I got my first electric guitar, a white Japanese Squire Stratocaster. I immediately formed a band with my friends and we did very rudimentary versions of ‘Twist And Shout’ and ‘Jump’. A couple years later I discovered punk and was so drawn to its energy. I remember that same band doing a blistering version of ‘Anarchy In The U.K.’ one summer day in our drummer’s basement. But it was developing a deep love for AC/DC the year after that that got me writing songs with my friends. Funnily enough, the same summer day in 1986 that my father took me to see Rodney Dangerfield’s Back To School at the movie theatre, we went across the street to the mall afterwards and I bought David Lee Roth’s Eat ‘Em And Smile. I’m pretty sure that day set in motion the rest of my life, carried along by the forces of comedy and music.

German Vegan

How’d you meet Bill Drummond?!

AS: I was writing a piece for The Quietus about the origin of The Teardrop Explodes’ name - https://thequietus.com/articles/09596-the-teardrop-explodes - and Bill was promoting his latest book, 100, at The Idler Bookshop, so I went down to talk to him about the Teardrops. I’ve always considered his work fascinating and it was great to talk to him. He was off to Paris the next day to do his The Lone Sweeper. I moved back to the States at the end of that year but on my subsequent visits, if he was free, we’d meet up for tea. I remember one particular conversation in 2016, where I starting telling him about a lady I was “smitten with”. It wasn’t going well and I was rather depressed about it. I often recall Bill’s words on the matter - “That’s the thing, it’s the work I’ve always been smitten with.” Damn good advice. Get smitten with the work. It’s really served me well in recent years.

What’s next in your world? Another book perhaps? AS: Right now I’m still focused on doing readings for The Ballad Of Buttery Cake Ass. The tour in February was great, awesome to hang out at record and book shops and talk to people about records and books all day. I’m still doing little jaunts. Heading down to Atlanta Memorial Day weekend with a stop at the very cool Epilogue Bookshop in Chapel Hill along the way. I’d really like to do more of this for as long as I can. I have an offer to go read in Seattle, which if I can find a couple other places to read in the Pacific Northwest, I’d love to make happen. I’d love to hit New York, L.A., Chicago, and Detroit too. And anywhere that has a cool record or book shop and wants me to come talk about music. Working on making all those happen. I’m really excited about Sagging Meniscus putting out Sporting Moustaches next April. Every day I continue to work on the book after that, about halfway done now. I also have a new musical project with Sean Drinkwater from Freezepop. We’re called FoxxMachine and it sounds very New Order/Depeche Mode. I also reformed my old punk band from 1995, Inbetween, to record a 7” that will feature a song that never made it to tape back then, and the definitive version of our set closer ‘Vampyro’.

Bonus question- Any idea if Nick Cave has read your book?

AS: I sent it to him (via his management) but I never heard anything back

www.augstone.com

[madaboutmysteries]

Mystery Lovers, Step Right Up…

I have been in love with all things mystery since I was ten and was introduced to Nancy Drew by my mother. I had been diagnosed with an orthopedic condition whose treatment put me on crutches for what was originally supposed to be two years. Two years stretched into three, and then four…and one day my mother, desperate to find ways to keep a formerly very active child engaged, brought home Carolyn Keene’s The Secret of the Old Clock. I devoured it in two days and asked if I could please have another.

I read my first Agatha Christie, The Body in the Library, at age twelve.  It took my breath away. I thought it was the cleverest story on the planet. And I loved Miss Marple (everybody’s great-aunt Martha on steroids). So I went back to the beginning—to Christie’s The Mysterious Affair at Styles—met Hercule Poirot, and was officially hooked. 

By the time I was a freshman in high school, I was reading—and loving—the Grand Dames of British mystery: Christie, Dorothy L. Sayers, Margery Allingham, Georgette Heyer, and their New Zealand counterpart—Ngaio Marsh. 

Of course, I read other kinds of books, too. But there was just something about a mystery: the array of suspects; the chance for the reader to participate in figuring out the puzzle at hand; the feeling of menace as you tried to pinpoint “whodunit”, the challenge of sorting out real clues from clever red herrings. 

Decades and thousands of mysteries later, the magic is still there. At a point in my life where I am free to read anything I choose, I still choose mysteries. And I have discovered that there are only two things as much fun as reading them: talking about them, and writing them.

I am just finishing the second in what I hope will be a five-book series, and I am learning that writing can be a lonely business. I believe connecting with other mystery lovers through this blog will help me bring my mystery series to life. At the same time, I hope the blog will be a place where other mystery readers can share the books they’ve loved, as well as the ones they didn’t like so much. 

Is anyone a Rhys Bowen fan? Please come back next time to chat about a more recent entry in her Royal Spyness series: Love and Death Among the Cheetahs.

[landinoandco]

Could I ask for a Max Verstappen request?

Where you get all excited to tell him you’re pregnant and it doesn’t go well. Could you make it super angsty

Of course you can :) here you go, I hope you enjoy! 

Max Verstappen x reader 

Warnings: angst but with fluff at the end

Word count: 2.2 k 

Requests are open...

Baby, the future is ours

At last the summer break had rolled around again, to the relief of the Formula one drivers and crew, they had 3 long weeks ahead of them to fill with whatever they deemed stress-free or relaxing. The subject of activity depending on person to person - most sane folk tended to stick to a holiday to Greece or if you were an adrenaline junkie like Daniel Ricciardo jumping out of planes or BMX biking. You had lost count of the times Max - your boyfriend - had rushed in to tell you about all of the exciting things his best friend had gotten up to as of late. 

You and Max had decided to take a break and travel to a cosy, quiet part of Italy - to escape the press, the stress and most importantly the eagle eye of social media. It would just be you and him for a few weeks before reality brought you back to Milton Keynes in the shape of Christian Horner and his motley crew. 

You and Max had met in 2018 at a gala event Redbull had hosted, Pierre Gasly - being a close friend of yours - had introduced you two and to say the pair of you hit it off instantly was an understatement, whether it was a mixture of the Dutch meets British humour you had no clue but you weren’t one to complain. A few months later and Max had asked you to travel around the world with him - you did so willingly and life had been nearing perfect ever since. Of course you had your ups and downs, where the universe seemed to really test not only your love for one and other but your patience. A few arguments had shown you that both being hot-headed never ended well. 

You were sat out on the balcony, a book in hand and looking out into the Italien countryside. Max had left for a run and to explore the local village, leaving you, your thoughts and your growing baby. You were pregnant - you had taken the test just before flying out, this meant that Max wasn’t aware. You hadn’t told him yet and you had no clue how you were going to. As it turns out telling your partner you were pregnant was easier said than done - ironically. 

You and Max hadn’t had the baby talk yet - you had but only along the lines of: “one day, when we’re older and married and driving isn’t the main priority anymore.” Those were Max’s words. He wanted to be there for his child, to watch him or her grow, to see every milestone but most importantly to be a good and nurturing father. 

There was part of you that was slightly worried because you just didn’t know how Max would take it - you couldn’t keep it in any longer though. You had to tell him. There was another part of you that was excited - from a very young age you knew you wanted to have a family of your own with the person you loved the most. Call it childish naivety. At this point in time, you were ready to become a mother - well as ready as anyone ever could be. 

Placing your book onto the table, you made your way into the kitchen, grabbed a glass and filled it. Sighing loudly as you leant onto the countertop. 

“That was a loud sigh.” A voice called out from behind you. You recognised it instantly. Whipping your head around, you saw Max standing there, wiping the sweat from his forehead. 

Chuckling, you hit back, “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

Rolling his eyes, he made his way over to you and wrapped his arms around your middle, placing a sweet, chaste kiss onto the side of your head. Leaning into his warm embrace, you let out another long but content sigh. 

“Seriously, what is it with you and sighing today.” Max uttered, his lips still against the side of your head. 

You went to move forward, out of his welcoming embrace. You knew what you had to do. 

“There’s something I need to tell you.” Instantly the atmosphere changed, you could feel Max stiffen behind you. Maybe the tone you chose to make that comment in was too serious but it was now or never. 

“Haha, which of your friends is pregnant this time.” He quipped jokingly, trying to break the tension. 

Instantly you knew the way the conversation was going to end, a pang of hurt felt in your stomach. You squeezed your eyes shut, catching your lip with your teeth. He stood there with an air of innocence and unknown, concern dancing in his eyes - he went to reach his arm out to you, to offer that encouragement. 

You braved the words that came out of your lips, “Me.” You almost whispered. Time seemed to slow. Max dropped his arm and instantly took a step back. 

“Pardon.” Was the only thing he could force out of his mouth, his throat seemed to close up and his hands went clammy. He definitely heard you the first time but he wanted to make sure it wasn’t a night terror. A bad dream he had failed to wake from. 

“I am, Max,” You said again, your voice wavering. 

“Oh.” He stated, his face drained of colour, his mouth set in a straight line. 

“Is that all you have to say.” You swallowed thickly, your eyes swam with tears. You had a hunch this was how it was going to end but it didn’t stop is from hurting the way it did. You had hoped he would have proved you wrong, to have wrapped his arms around you and to have spun you around. To have laughed. To have cried. To have shown a little more excitement to the fact you were now carrying his child. His first child. 

You moved past him and sat down on one of the wooden chairs, rubbing your hands over your face. He was still stood there. His eyes fixated on the view out of the window. No emotion read in his eyes. It was almost like you had hit the ‘off’ button. He tapped his foot and made a clicking noise with his mouth before turning around to face you - meeting your gaze. 

“How long have you known.” His voice was hoarse.

“A couple of days before we flew out.” You answered him, moving your face back to rest in your hands. 

There was a pause. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner.”

You took a breath, looking him dead in the eye. “Because I knew this was how you were going to react.” You didn’t trust your voice at all, you also didn’t know whether you wanted to scream at him or cry in the corner. 

“Right.” Was all he said. Still stood there like some awkward teenager after a rather large telling off from their mother. 

“Is that all you have to say to me?” You asked him, nostrils flaring. You were allowed to be angry, right? 

“What do you expect me to say.” He rounded on you, his voice raising more than was necessary. Tears had spilled down your cheeks, you didn’t have the energy to fight back. As soon as he realised the effect this was having on you, he went to move forward again, his eyes softening instantly. “I’m sorry - I - I shouldn’t have raised my-”

“Get out, Max.” You stated lowly. By this point, you had stood up, shuddering away from his desperate grasp. He knew he had made a mistake. You knew he regretted it, the moment the words had left his mouth. 

“Get out?” He repeated quietly, his voice cracking, you could see tears glazing his vision. 

“Just - please, go on a walk - come back once you have more to say to me.” You spat.

“But - But I already have more to say-” You cut his rambling off once again. 

“Please. Max.” You insisted, your voice betraying you again. “Go.” You whispered. 

Max stormed out of the door, ensuring to slam it so hard the chandelier on the ceiling swung precariously. You sank back into your chair and let out a loud sob, unable to hold it in any longer. 

Max was mad. Not at you, that would be unfair. He was mad at himself. At the world. At everything actually because at this point why the hell not. You were pregnant - don’t get him wrong, he was over the moon. He was going to be a dad. 

It was too soon. 

He still had his full F1 career ahead of him. A promising and long F1 career as a matter of fact. He wanted a baby to be his main priority and he wanted to share those one in a lifetime moments with you. He knew there was no point in being mad, it wasn’t like they were in a position where they couldn’t have a child. They had plenty of things to offer, a nurturing home with parents who were head over heels in love with each other and a large family - blood and not - who would be willing to support and love the child as if it was their own. Max really was in love with you. He knew it would be you to mother his children in the end, he just didn’t think it would be now. 

He reached for his phone, went into his contacts and pressed on the number that read the name: “D.R new phone.” Whilst it wasn’t adventurous like many thought it would be, it saved the confusion from calling a number that no longer existed. 

Daniel picked up on the second ring. “Hey dude, how’s it going?” 

“Not good at all, Dan, not good at all.” Max admitted, his voice wavering once again. He explained the events that had happened a mere 5 minutes ago, the way he reacted and the way he left you. Hurt and alone.

“I’m not going to lie to you, mate, you’ve fucked up big time.” Dan spoke after what felt like a loud silence. After all, Daniel knew you just as well as he knew Max. 

“I know. I know I have, do you think I’ve been selfish?” He asked, his tone full of raw emotion. 

“Yes.” Dan stated simply, “I think you have been, especially since she even told you this is how she thought you would react. How much stress do you think she had been putting on herself? Come one, I’ve taught you to be better than this.” Daniel paused, Max could almost hear him place his thumb and ring finger onto the bridge of his nose. “You know, just as well as I know, she knows it isn’t the best time. Her becoming pregnant is very much a two person job, I think it’s time that you go back to her and have a conversation like the adult I know you are.” 

In that moment, Max was so grateful to have someone like Dan just a call away. “Thank you, Dan. Really. I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

“Alright Mr Father-to-be, don’t be going all soppy on me now.” Daniel joked, returning back to his normal teasing. That was the best thing about Daniel, he was quite useful when you needed him to be. 

“You can count yourself on being the godfather after that.” Max added, a large beaming smile plastered onto his face. 

He heard Dan let out a loud laugh, “Go on, leave me be. Good luck, mate, let me know how it goes and when the time is right tell her I say congrats.” 

“Of course, mate. Thank you, again.” Max muttered, looking back in the direction of the villa. After he hung up, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and ambled slowly - working out exactly what he was going to say to you. 

Once he had opened the door, he called out to you. “Babe?” He heard a sniffle in response. You were still slumped on the chair in the kitchen, shooting daggers at the cupboard opposite. 

Max sat opposite you, reaching out for your hand. Grudgingly you let him take it, you blinked and he took a deep breath before a large, beaming smile crept onto his face.

“We’re going to be parents.” He rubbed the back of your hand, speaking tentatively. You nodded, your lower lip trembled. Max stood up, still keeping a hold of your hand as he gave it a slight tug, indicating that you should stand up. You made your way into his embrace, his arms wrapping securely around you, tucking your face into the crook of your neck as he rocked gently side to side, burying his face into your hair. He then moved his hands to cradle your face, wiping the stray tears away before peppering your face with feather light kisses. 

“We’re going to be parents.” He repeated, a little louder and to this you let out another sob, laughing as he picked you up and spun you around. 

“I’m sorry. I was being selfish.” He said, as he wrapped you back up into his arms. You smiled into his chest. In that moment, you couldn’t be happier. It was like all of your childhood dreams had come true. In that kitchen stood your new family, mismatched and sometimes a little bit broken but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[eliza1911o1]

So… Stede as a pirate

… is admittedly a failure, at least from what we’ve seen from s1. He’s understanding instead of ruthless, leads a posh lifestyle with silly indulgences, and overall knows very little about where to even start as a captain. As shown directly by ep 4 after Izzy confronts him about logistics and Ed pressures him into making decisions when he’s ‘Blackbeard’, he literally has no clue what he’s doing. Even by ep 1, we know this already; I believe Jenkins even mentioned that the entire first three episodes were meant to show show who Stede was as a person, including his inadequacies. But moving forward, they explicitly make it a point to have it acknowledged by the other characters as well as the actual plot that Stede really is just that horrible of a pirate

He is repeatedly dismissed by individuals from his old life by being told he’s ruined his life and can not handle piracy. Mary is understandably upset that he would consider moving their family onto a boat and Badminton fails to consider him as a threat because he doesn’t even believe the prospect. Furthermore in his new life he is beaten down by constantly failing while, not only that, but he is constantly compared to the every epitome of a pirate, Blackbeard. Stede is visibly awarded less respect in every situation they both are put into: his crew reverently surrenders to Blackbeard’s leadership, the French aristocrats immediately find him charming, even the British navy only consider him being let off when Blackbeard puts his neck on the line. We are repeatedly shown this derision from both the perspective of others in addition to Stede himself

Literally in ep 1, Stede himself says he’s not meant to be a pirate. Bandminton’s ghost, a figment of his own imagination, spews harsh comments that are actually his own self-derisive thoughts. And, ultimately, Stede rejects the notion of fitting in as a pirate when the begins to conceptualize the idea of the “gentleman pirate”.

Annnnd where am I going with this? Well, in s1 we may have seen Stede being a failure of a pirate, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t get glimpses to a version of Stede that was not only successful, but as ruthless as a pirate is supposed to be. Even before Ed is introduced, we see him excel at fuckery as he trips up Izzy Hands (which I think annoyed tf out him since he thought Stede was so incompetent). Ep 5 he sets a ship on fire and rows away as it burns, then in ep 8 Calico Jack describes Ed pretty much doing the same thing. In ep 5 we have Ed threatening a captain with a knife while he’s held down, then Stede pushing down and threatening someone with a knife in ep 10. We see him succeed at the normally accepted pirate activities, as well as succeed at them using his own unique approach. That ship is burnt down from passive aggression, his crew respects him out of love not fear, and we see that though his ways seem stupid they aren’t entirely admissible

We already see him looking like the most perfect dashing pirate from a romance drama at the end of ep 10, but I would bet that we’re also going to see him perfect the “gentleman pirate” act too. Others have even said that we might see a complete role reversal, with Ed falling apart as Stede comes into his own rather than Stede constantly failing at the figure of the average ideal of a pirate, which I think is so important because the show has made it clear they’re equals and nothing less and though I don’t think Stede will ever be a perfect pirate he deserves to get some recognition and stand proudly beside his husband

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

Graveyard Siblings (3)

Some for revenge and some sibling bonding.

[Masterlist]

(Part 1)(Part 2)

-------

Adrien was next to be visited. Plagg woke him up from his sleep.

-------

“Kit, wake up. I want camembert.”

“Plagg, silence. You are not getting any cheese if you do that.”

“Sorry, Adrien but you are not my ‘master’ anymore.”

“Plagg? Why are you here? Where’s the ring?”

“The ring is as far away as possible and kept safely away. I am here because someone wants to talk to you.”

“Who?”

A cloaked, hooded figure stepped out of the shadows to his room.

“Kitty. My Chaton. Did you miss me?” A sweet, familiar but yet so terrifying voice came from the figure.

She pulled down the hood to reveal Ladybug with a wicked-looking black mask with white lenses.

“What am I talking about? You do miss me. Your Bugaboo. Too bad I don’t feel the same, Adrien.”

Lightning flashed and it started to rain. The mask was gone, revealing his dead classmate, Marinette with chilling red eyes. The pigtails grew longer and curved upwards, giving the illusion of her having horns. Twin blades flashed and she leaped towards him. (Damian gave them to her with some lessons in exchange for spending time with, babysitting, the kwamis.)

Adrien scrambled away from the bed in the nick of time. A sword impaling the spot where he just was.

“Plagg, help. Where is the ring? I need to transform.”

“Sorry, kitten. I am not telling you. Even if you did have the ring, it’s not going to be much help.”

“Kitty, stay still. Then, we can be together. Just like you wanted.”

Adrien continued to dodge.

“What do you mean?” He all but screamed at Plagg.

“Pigtails, here, is a vengeful spirit. She’s not going to stop until she is satisfied. How about asking her what she wants?”

“Ladybug, what do you want?”

“What I wanted was a partner I could rely on, someone I can trust with my life, someone who wouldn’t stab me in the back for his own selfish gain. I wanted a friend who would have my back and not tell me to keep quiet at the price of my mental health and my relationships with people I care about. WAS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!”

She managed to get a cut on his left cheek.

Soon, he was on the ground, bleeding out on the round.

“Tell Hawkmoth that he better watch out. Because-” lightning struck and Plagg and Ladybug had disappeared, “his downfall is coming.” Her voice echoed through his room.

Adrien laid bleeding until Natalie opened the door after hearing a crash from the room and came to check on him. As she called an ambulance for Adrien, she wondered if it wasn’t too late to ask for redemption and be spared from Ladybug’s wrath for her part in her murder.

Adrien had the word ‘TRAITOR’ carved into his back. Forever reminding him of his crimes.

--------

He wasn’t in school for a week after the incident. They all were told that Adrien had an accident while fencing.

Gabriel was a little panicking now.

He hired an exorcist, (John Constantine got a hefty amount and did a few flashy magic tricks to appease Gabriel but he didn’t lift the curse Maria put on the place. She is not someone to be on the bad side of and he thinks that he can’t lift it even if he wanted to.)

Emilie gets a little sus at Gabriel when he brought this strange man with a British accent into their home after their son got attacked in his own room with security tighter than Fort Knox.

She doesn’t buy that ‘accident’ bullshit that her husband, son and even Natalie tries to sell her. She thinks it is connected to what happened while she was in a coma.

-----

Adrien has a curse too.

(Credit to @raeuberprinzessin for giving me an idea)

He couldn’t act like the ‘Perfect Adrien’ in public anymore. Acting more like Chat Noir at first then, later a spoiled brat. His friends thought that he was finally rebelling against his father and encouraged it a lot.

Adrien started criticizing other people, strangers at first then to the people working on the photoshoots to his fans to his other school mates, people in his class and his friends. (The curse planted ideas into his head about what he should say and he said them all without thinking about the effect it has on other people)

People started avoiding him not liking his attitude and his comments about how they should behave and change something about them because he doesn’t like it that way and guilt-tripping them when he doesn’t get his way. Even Nino started to distance himself after he saw how Adrien talked to a fan.

The public thought it was a phase but as he got progressively worse, people started despising him. Adrien doesn’t realize this of course so far, happy that his father let him get away with ‘ruining the Agreste image.’ (Gabriel was worried about a potential vengeful ghost and making sure his wife didn't know about his stint as a supervillain. There was also the fact that the Afterlife made more sales than him again and managed to get on the cover of Vogue when he should have, dammit.) He was finally able to say what he wanted to without repercussions. Until he realized when Nino and everyone else cancelled for a hangout for the third time that week that he was slowly losing his friends.

He panics and tries to fix the situation. He didn’t want to be alone again.

He talks to Nino about it and to his horror, he couldn’t stop himself from saying many things that were a little hurtful. (Second part. The moment he realizes he is going to be alone. He is going to find out that yes, lies can hurt people. He is going to see it happen firsthand.)

Nino moved seats and told Adrien that their friendship was on hold until he apologized.

Soon, nearly every time his mouth opened, lies and insults about his friends or their embarrassing secrets came spilling out. Everyone hated him now and Mme. Bustier tried to give him a reprimand about his behaviour, which when he tried to defend himself, he found himself unable to speak.

He managed to explain to his father what caused his unpopularity by writing what happened to him. Unfortunately due to his poor behaviour before the second part of the curse was activated, his fan base was dwindling and people didn’t like him anymore so there was a hit on the Gabriel brand.

He no longer has to do modeling, clearing his schedule. But no one would spend time with him.

The best solution he could do with his predicament was to keep quiet and endure the loneliness and the glares of his classmates at school. Adrien was relegated to the back and nearly everyone avoided him. He was now a social pariah.

Even Lila avoided him because of her own curse which made Adrien turn into one of her previous victims. (She also didn’t ponder why Marinette rarely appears compared to the others.)

If Adrien felt a tiny bit remorseful or guilty for making Marinette keep quiet or betraying Ladybug, he can gain a little control over what he says.

The curse can be broken if he apologizes to Maria herself or to her grave.

------

The first few months, while Marinette adapted to living with the Waynes, Jason stayed over at Wayne Manor because having Maria living with him at his apartment wasn’t a good idea and he had no clue how to take care of a teenage girl.

On paper she is adopted by Bruce because Jason can’t. (Some CPS reasons.)

Making Jason a little more salty towards Bruce. “I found her first. I called dibs.”

Brought Maria to meet the other Outlaws and they adopted her too. “Hey, guys. She’s my sister first.”

Jason was the one to teach her how to shoot a gun because he was ‘the most capable’ of teaching her.

The first few months were a little tense with Marinette not fully trusting them and the same with the rest of the Batfam.

Jason warmed her up a bit to him by telling a little of why he took her here.

He was also the one to book them flight to Paris with Bruce’s credit card so she can tell her friends that she wasn’t dead in person.

They bonded more after stopping some nefarious plot in Paris while they were there. Let’s say Gentleman Ghost and something involving the catacombs in Paris. (I watched some Batman: Brave and the Bold for childhood nostalgia.)

Kwamis were animal-shaped and they were interesting creatures to be around. And very very curious.

There was a stressful day for Maria when all the Kwamis decided to play hide and seek. Damian somehow got roped into helping her as the only available person in the Manor and he will deny that he enjoyed it.

Damian is the little brother she always wanted and she is more tolerable compared to his brothers. There is also the fact that she trusts him with the kwamis and deep down, he feels super-honoured. (I just love older sister!Mari)

Tim and her being insomniac/coffee buddies. There has been many many interventions to stop this.

I get that Marinette is this selfless person and loves making people happy but she has siblings now and them eating the stuff she made for herself to enjoy, should get on her nerves after a while.

She makes a box with booby-traps in which she puts in her cookies and food.

There are many different layers of traps because this is the Batfam and each of them is non-lethal and more ridiculous.

Okay, I once read a fic about Marinette making a bear-trap style box to hide the Miracle Box so this box is also like that but kept for food. (Traps and Sneaks by quicksilversquared)

Someone (I vote a hungry Dick or Jason, maybe a suspicious Bruce) made a mistake of putting their hand into the box and the first trap activated.

Screams filled the house.

Everyone came down including Marinette.

Bruce asked, “Who did this?”

“It was me.”

“Why?”

“They kept eating the cookies.”

“There are other ways to stop them from doing that you know like a ‘Do Not Touch’ sign not a death trap box.”

“They are non-lethal.”

Bruce locked it away but Tim later stole it to tweak it and store his coffee. ------ (Part 4)

[solrosan]

Got some questions from @sadviper! Thank you :D

12. If you write in more than one language, what's the difference?

Well. Hm. These days, most of the things I write in Swedish are non-fiction (work emails, DMs, etc) so there's a difference right there. If we talk fiction, I think the biggest difference between writing in Swedish and writing in English is that I know right away if the dialogue sounds contrived or unnatural in Swedish. I also have a much better feel for code switching and who would use what word where (and when).

As good as my English is, this is one of the things I find hardest. (Especially now when I write in a fandom where I can't use direct clues from canon when picking words, since they don't speak English in canon. I do not trust subtitles to do that job for me.) The same with British vs. American English (and sometimes Australian... The Flying Doctors was a very big part of my English development). I never have to stop and think "Is this a Swedish-Swedish word or a Fenno-Swedish word?" when writing in Swedish.

In both cases I run up against the "why isn't this an expression in this language??" It happens more often in English, but that's probably because I write more in English.

23. Dialogue or description? Why is the other one so hard?

Love writing dialogue! (Love reading it too!) The other is so hard because I don't always see the point of it? When I read what a character wears, I just skim. I don't care. When there are detailed descriptions of the surroundings I rarely pay attention because... I can't really picture it anyway. So I have a hard time writing it since I don't personally put much value at it as a reader.

When the descriptions focuses on the characters' feelings, however, I get much more interested and those I often have an easier time to write as well.

28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

I've always loved the "write the fun parts!" advice and that's how I write (Gardener at heart etc) but I'm not sure it's the best to pass along because I am terrible at finishing projects.

It makes the writing that much more fun, though!

Oh and the "the problem is ten sentences above where you are currently stuck" is an amazing advice! If you're stuck, go back a bit and rewrite it. Something is wrong upstream.

[earnestly-endlessly]

Hi, how are you? Your blog is amazing and your recommendations have already allowed me to read wonderful stories, so thank you so much! I wonder if you could suggest me any cherik fics of them as detectives? I remember reading one a long time ago, but unfortunately I don't know the name and even less the synopsis. Thank you in advance for your help.

Thank you so much @remember5novemberv for your kind words. I'm so sorry this took me so long but I hope you enjoy this list. There are some excellent detective AUs in this fandom so you're in for a treat.

Cherik Detective AUs

Their Mouths Always Lie – keire_ke

Summary: Charles adheres to most police protocols like they are a personal code of conduct. Erik gets things done and over with, for better or worse. Raven knows what she's doing, most of the time. The serial killer kills, regardless. Police AU.

Guilty by Association – Reagan

Summary: While investigating the homicide of a John Doe who he suspects might've been murdered while working the streets as a prostitute, Detective Erik Lehnsherr finds an unexpected ally in a hooker named Charles who seems as determined as he to solve the case. As they become more deeply involved both with the case and each other, there's just one thing that Charles neglects to mention -- that he's really an investigative journalist, one quickly convinced that what they're dealing with is more than simple murder. cop!Erik, fake-hooker-slash-reporter!Charles, Modern AU.

Incy Wincy Spider – Tawabids

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a renowned homicide detective, with his husband Charles at home and his partner on the job, Moira MacTaggert. When a twisted serial killer starts targeting mutants, Erik and Moira are the perfect team for the job, especially since Erik himself is the mutant poster-boy of an NYPD trying to improve their image.

But what they don't yet know is that the serial killer is an old soul out of Erik's past, and his next move is to pull Charles into his web.

The Theory of Partnership Dynamics – Pangea

Summary: “Detective Lehnsherr, how wonderful to see you out on the job!” The fed in the front greets him as they draw nearer. He’s shorter than the other two by a full head, and he’s beaming at Lehnsherr as if completely undeterred by Lehnsherr’s paint-peeling scowl.

“What do the feds want?” Lehnsherr asks bluntly.

“You know I can’t tell you that,” the fed answers cheerfully. Then his gaze lands on Alex, and, impossibly, his grin gets even brighter. “Did you get a new partner?"

“No,” Lehnsherr says through his teeth while at the same time Alex says, “Yes.”

Charles’ Killer – luchia

Summary: When detective Charles Xavier finds himself hunting down a vendetta-driven serial killer, it doesn't take long for him to realize he's in over his head. It only takes a little longer for him to realize his killer is, too.

Demoted – JayPendragon

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a detective-specialist with the NYPD Mutant Tactical Unit, ready to help out where his skills are needed. Or he would be, if he and his partner hadn’t been demoted. For the next four months, he is patrolling the Lenox Hill precinct with Azazel – if he doesn’t die of boredom first.

One night they are called in to investigate a potential case of domestic violence, yet the tenant assures them he is both alone and unharmed. However, there is something about this Charles Xavier that compels Erik to follow up.

Watching the Detectives – Clocks

Summary: Detectives Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr are good friends and colleagues. However, when they go undercover at a Christmas party to nab a prime suspect, Erik keeps reminding himself to stay professional and ignore feelings of unexpected jealousy.

Oh, Sinnerman (Where you gonna run to?) – TintagelCastle (orphan–account)

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is one of the best homicide detectives in New York. From small time stabbings to high end mob hits, Erik (and his equally scary partner Logan) makes sure all the bad guys get caught, searching for the final clue to nail his mother's killer. As a string of murders draws the net ever tighter on Erik's life's work, he needs to catch the nightmare of his past whilst continuing to be the darling of the Force...

And so what if he's completely in love with the British guy on Forensics? Who's he ever going to tell?

Wrap up my bones – waifornight

Summary: Damaged detective Erik Lehnsherr is grimly searching for a serial killer whose victims all have extraordinary gifts. But without any clues or leads he and his partner Logan are in the dark. Until Charles Xavier, abducted by the killer, escapes. Together Erik and Charles must confront something far darker than either of them had ever imagined.

Alternate Universe loosely based off the crime movie Kiss the Girls.

I’ll see your heart (and I’ll race you mine) – sirona

Summary: For Kriminalhauptkommissar Erik Lehnsherr, this case will change everything.

Paralyzer – Yahtzee

Summary: In 1965, Erik Lehnsherr has infiltrated the NYPD for his own purposes -- but his powers make him a brilliant detective. Yet that's not why FBI agent Charles Xavier has sought him out. It's because the mysterious killer they're both trying to find is murdering people like them: other mutants.

Their search for a madman binds them together. Their inner demons may tear them apart. But the greatest danger comes when the killer they're looking for looks back.

Wrap up my bones – waifornight

Summary: Damaged detective Erik Lehnsherr is grimly searching for a serial killer whose victims all have extraordinary gifts. But without any clues or leads he and his partner Logan are in the dark. Until Charles Xavier, abducted by the killer, escapes. Together Erik and Charles must confront something far darker than either of them had ever imagined.

Alternate Universe loosely based off the crime movie Kiss the Girls.

The Long Bright Dark – lachatblanche

Summary: Ten years ago Detectives Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr closed the case on a grotesque series of murders that continue to haunt them even in the present day. When they are pulled in for questioning a decade later, they finally have confirmation of something that they have both suspected for a very long time - that there is unfinished business for them to take care of and that the case they thought they had closed so very long ago is in reality still all too open.

A True Detective AU.

Finding North – ClarkeStetler, Goosenik

Summary: Charles and Erik are (loosely) friends with benefits. They don't share personal details, last names, or anything concrete about their lives. This is ruined rather spectacularly when Charles gets recruited by the Mutant Apprehension Division of the FBI. Surprised is a bit of an understatement for their reaction to finding themselves partnered up and sent out on cases with the team.

Closer (to God) – dsrobertson

Summary: Se7en/The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo AU-ish.

Political journalist and editor, Erik Lehnsherr, has just lost £150,000 in a libel case against businessman, Kurt Marko. Down on his luck and in need of money, Erik is approached by the Metropolitan Police’s Detective Inspector Charles Xavier. Well-known for his investigative journalism, Erik is asked to help in the search for a serial killer in return for £200,000 if the killer is caught.

Wrapped up in murder, religion, and sex, Erik gets more than he bargained for.

Homo Sacer – unveiled

Summary: In a not too distant future, Detective Erik Lehnsherr meets Charles Xavier: street magician, former academician, and telepath.

One Good Day – troll_under_the_bridge

Summary: One case which is going to turn Charles' world upside down, while he struggles to pacify his boss, investigate murders and come to terms with the mess his life has become.

Playing With Fire – professor

Summary: Charles is a detective determined to catch a serial killer.

If the serial killer doesn't catch him first.

Hold on or let go – aesc, pearl_o

Summary: Teenage telepath Charles Xavier takes a job as a consultant, working with prickly police detective Erik Lehnsherr. Charles is used to being on his own and taking care of himself; he has no reason to think that his relationship with this stern, icy man is going to change any of that. (Also known as: Tough Little Baby Telepath.)

MCIS: First Case – Pookaseraph

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr considers himself a great MCIS agent, and he puts up with a lot from his boss - Moira MacTaggart - in the name of solving crimes against mutants, but he's not so sure about this new empath, Charles Xavier. Their first case together will test Erik's patience, but doubtless be the beginning of a brilliant friendship.

MCIS: Fathers, Sons, and Brothers – Pookaseraph

Summary: Alex Summers has a single case that he has obsessed about ever since coming to MCIS two years ago: Su-M-94-0708-0034, the murder of Christopher and Katherine Summers, and the presumed kidnapping and possible murder of Scott Summers. Very little evidence was found at the time, but hopefully a new team - and new leads - can shed light on the case that left Alex an orphan.

When the Crazies come to town – Chinchillaatthedisc0

Summary: Erik is a surly detective with zero people skills who has just been assigned the murder case of Kurt Marko. Prime suspect? Charles xavier. Who's no where to be found.

My old man is a bad man – faerie_ground

Summary: Sebastian Shaw dies at two am in the morning with a dagger embedded in his forehead. Detective Erik Lehnsherr is on the case, and the number one suspect is the recently widowed Dr Charles Xavier, Sebastian Shaw's husband.

Deep Cover – Subtilior

Summary: Omegas in heat? The perfect whores. Sebastian Shaw? The bastard who kidnaps them for his Hellfire Club. Erik Lehnsherr? A hard-boiled detective who's been on the Hellfire case for months. The catastrophe that unfolds when he goes in on retrieval and finds Charles Xavier still writhing in a Hellfire bed? .... Deep Cover.

A Murder of Ravens – AbandonedWorld

Summary:Charles Xavier is wrongfully accused. Erik Lehnsherr is a top-notch homicide Lieutenant who stumbles upon the case of a lifetime: a serial killer targeting mutants–and only mutants. Charles bides his incarceration waiting on a miracle, reciting Poe's timeless gem in effort to retain his sanity...

Note: Unfinished

[ashintheairlikesnow]

A Little Bit Stabbed

Jake Gets Stabbed Miniseries: First Second Third Fourth Fifth Sixth

CW: Discussion of past child abuse/domestic violence, description of stab wound, painkillers/drugged but in a good way, brief IV needle reference, some short references to Jake’s religious trauma, some trauma response stuff

“Took four of us to get you onto the couch, you know,” Kauri says, fingers moving gently to brush Jake’s short hair back off his forehead. There’s a hint of humor to his deep voice, but Jake catches the tremor in it, too. “You’re heavier than you look.”

“Must be… pretty fucking heavy, then,” Jake manages, voice slightly thin. They gave him something - Nat’s EMT friend showed up with IV supplies while refusing to tell anyone where they’d gotten ahold of everything from, except to repeatedly reassure all of them I know someone, it’s taken care of, I probably won’t go to jail for this. Besides, I’ve been in jail before.

Jake might not have found it very reassuring if he wasn’t halfway to unconscious from the pain alone at the time.

Now, though, there’s a needle feeding a steady supply of something wonderful into his bloodstream, holding the worst of the pain at bay. All he can feel now is maybe a little bit of an itch he knows better than to scratch, and a heaviness to his limbs that keeps them limp and relaxed. 

“We had to turn the stupid thing into the pull-out bed just to make sure your feet wouldn’t be higher than your head.” Kauri smiles at him, but there’s worry in those warm blue eyes, and Jake uses every ounce of strength to lift his good hand, the one on the uninjured side, and take Kauri’s, pulling his knuckles to his lips to brush against them. 

“I’m okay,” Jake says softly. “I am, Kaur. It’s not so bad.”

“It’s not-... you got fucking stabbed in your own kitchen, Jake.” Kauri’s lips thin and he looks away, over towards the TV, playing Clue.

Funny, Jake thinks, woozy and untethered to any kind of focus. My mom used to play Clue when we were alone, after. Made her feel better for a while.

“Just a… a flesh wound,” Jake manages in a terrible approximation of a British accent.

Kauri just looks at him, expression serious, and leans over until their foreheads touch. He’s warm, and Jake’s eyes close, basking in the body heat that comes off of him, surrounds them both. “Don’t,” Kauri whispers. “Please don’t make jokes. I thought-”

“It’s okay,” Jake murmurs. 

Eventually, he should probably tell someone he can only sort of feel the hand on the injured side. But not now. 

“It’s okay. It’s not s’bad. I got the good drugs, right?”

“Antibiotics and…” Kauri squints at the label on the bag attached to the IV, then winces and shakes his head. “Sorry. Can’t read today. It, uh. It kind of comes and goes when I’m worried, and today-”

“I get it. But… you don’t have to worry about me, Kaur. It’s over, it happened… I’ll feel better pretty fast. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Kauri says softly, but he relaxes beside Jake, keeping a hold of his hand. His fingers are slightly chilled, but they warm against Jake’s. The two of them settle into silence for a while, a woman in black on the TV with eyes blown wide in comic exaggeration of anger speaking in a blur of sound Jake knows by heart but can’t really pick apart from anything else, not just yet, not right now. 

He knows this movie by heart. He and his mom used to curl up under a blanket while she closed her eyes and prayed for things to get better and Jake prayed for his dad to die in a car accident or some other terrible way, and make it slow, and then pray with terror not to go to hell for thinking like that.

If men like his father go to heaven, Jake would rather burn in hell.

At least my favorite bands would be there, he thinks, and laughs to himself, shoulders shaking a little, sending a ripple of pain down his arm and spiking into his skull. He winces, but the thought still strikes him as too funny to quit circling woozily around his mind, and he keeps laughing a little.

Kauri turns to look at him, eyebrows raised. “What are you laughing at?”

Jake blinks over at him, those wide blue eyes. It had been hell not to be able to hold him for so long, with eyes like that. Real hell, the kind where you spend your days wishing for a connection that seems too hard to make. “Nothing, just… thinking about shit with my dad,” He says, finally. “My mom and I used to watch Clue all the time. It’s her favorite movie.”

“Yeah?” Kauri looks over his shoulder, back at the television, and Jake’s eyes move lazily over the slight bump in his nose where it was broken by someone years ago, the dip of his lips, the roundness of his chin, angling a little with age. The way his neck would feel to trace with just one fingertip, how he smiles when Jake does it, asks him what the fuck he’s looking at when there’s way more to Kauri that needs attention right now than just his face.

There’s a lazy wave of warmth in Jake, a steady thrum of something that goes much deeper than arousal, at the memory.

Adoration.

“Yeah,” He says, softly. “She’d put it on when he left the house, we’d make popcorn and watch it. Saturday night special, popcorn and a movie, Mom and Jake.”

“Where’d your dad go?” Kauri asks, then the answer catches up with him, and he winces. “Wait, sorry. I think I know where he went.”

“Church.”

That is clearly not what Kauri expected to hear. “I-... what?” He turns back to Jake, eyebrows furrowing. “I thought-”

“Nope. He went to church. Fish fry on Saturdays, he volunteered.” Jake is dimly aware that this might be more than he’s ever told Kauri about his father, at least more than he’s ever said that wasn’t laser-focused on the hurts, the bruises, the concussion, the ER visits where Jake learned to lie. “He was a magician with a deep fryer. Best fucking fish I ever ate.” He laughs, then coughs a little against the new round of ache in his shoulder. 

Kauri is quiet for a moment, his eyes searching Jake’s face, maybe looking for an idea of how to respond the right way. Jake knows that look - he’s seen it less and less over the years, but it never fully stops.

Kauri never stops looking for the safe answer, the one that won’t get him hurt. Jake never stops being ready to fight his way out if it happens again. Kauri is still ready to say what the abuser needs to hear, placate and please and keep himself alive.

Jake is still ready to pick up a weapon and use it if his father ever comes near he or his mother again. Not that he ever will. Not that he even wants to, sixteen years after Jake last saw his face. 

But he’s still built, deep within, to fight the threat. And so is Kauri, in his own way. 

“I love you so much,” Jake says softly. “I hope you didn’t pull anything dragging my ass around.”

“Mmmn, guess I’ll find out,” Kauri says softly, snuggling back up to him, then. “Should we change the movie? If it’s, like, a thing for you-”

“Nah.” Jake smiles, slightly. He feels pleasantly drunk, on whatever the painkiller slowly drip-feeding into his arm is. A little woozy, a little bit in love with it. “It’s like a comfort thing, really. I should call my mom-”

“I already did,” Kauri says, gently pushing him back down as Jake tries to make himself sit up. “She’s driving up. She said she’ll get here in the morning, she had to find someone to watch her dog.”

Jake blinks twice. “Mom has a dog?”

“I think it’s new. But, um. You can’t exactly meet her at her hotel, Jake. She’s gonna have to come here.”

Jake feels a rush of old nerves prickling along his arms, the hair of his neck trying to stand up. He closes his eyes, tries to push it back down. “I’ve never given her my address. It’s not safe for us. What if-... I don’t know. I’ve just never… I’ve always worried that if he found her, you know, that he’d… convince her to tell him where I live. He’d turn us all in just to feel like the big righteous moral hero all over again. Probably hard to feel that way when you’re hitting a teenager. Easier when you’re turning in vigilantes with stolen property.” He spits the words, and Kauri flinches a little. “Shit. Sorry, Kaur.”

“No, it’s. It’s okay. I get what you mean. But I don’t think your mom would do that. She loves you.”

“She does.” Jake exhales, closes his eyes. Inside him there is still an angry child that wants to point out that it hasn’t always been enough. But there’s a grown man, and a decade of fucking therapy, telling him there’s a whole lot more to it than that. “And she’s finally come around to understanding why I do this. Yeah… yeah, we’ll tell her where I am. It’ll be fine. Honestly, it’s not so bad. Jameson really did a great job on the stabbing.” Jake tries to laugh again. “Fucking surgeon with a butcher knife. He managed to miss every fucking bit of me that would have killed me.”

“Except for if you bled out,” Kauri points out, voice small. 

“Yeah… but I didn’t.” Jake thinks of Antoni’s face, the focus in his dark eyes, the quick movement of his hands, the blinding agony of the cloth being forced into the wound to soak up the blood, the way Antoni had leaned all his weight forwards to put enough pressure to staunch the bleeding. Jake had never felt pain like that before, and he’s not sure he could handle feeling it again. “Ant was there. It’ll be okay. Where is he?”

“In his room.” Picking at the heavy thick blanket laid over Jake, not quite looking at him now, Kauri asks, “How are you so calm about this?”

“Drugs,” Jake answers right away. “Like ninety percent drugs.” He groans as a throbbing ache travels from the stab wound, up into his skull, all the way down to his toes. “Fuck. The… whatever’s in there helps. But also…” Jake sighs, letting his eyes drift to the ceiling, over the popcorn-texture there. He’d meant to scrape it clean and smooth, when he bought the house, but other stuff kept taking priority, and he hadn’t gotten around to it yet. “This isn’t th’ first time, you know?”

Kauri frowns. “Jake, I have licked just about everything on your body, I’ve never seen a scar from-”

“Not… not stabbed. But… stuck here, on a couch-bed, tryin’... tryin’ to heal from shit. That’s not new.” Jake exhales. Above him, the blades of the ceiling fan circle lazily, and his eyes follow the movement of the shadows. 

“No, I guess not.”

“In any case… I haven’t s-seen… Jameson’s upstairs, right? Can you get him down here?”

Something passes over Kauri’s face, a shadow, a discomfort and darkness that Jake can’t quite read. “Jameson’s not in the house, Jake.”

“What? Why?” Jake starts trying to sit up again, and this time Kauri’s gentle push isn’t enough to get him back down. He grinds his teeth against the pain and forces himself upright, trying to shift his legs over the side of the bed. The room spins around him, dizzy-sick flip in his stomach, but he ignores it. He’s felt worse than this and kept moving before. “Shit, fuck, I should’ve made sure he didn’t leave-”

“He didn’t. I made him go.”

The look Jake turns on Kauri is baffled, but there’s anger, too, welling up inside him. “You what?”

“I told him he can’t stay here if he’s a danger to you and the others,” Kauri says, but he cringes back from Jake’s expression, instinctive fear. Jake hates how he looks like his dad - huge and muscular, a threat inherent in his existence that he might not give off if he were smaller. But his bulk and his strength is also the thing that makes him capable of withstanding the danger he puts himself in for them. It’s the reason he could come home and pick Chris up with a broken rib and carry him after they raided the last safehouse he’d lived in. It’s the reason he could finally fight back with his dad. It’s the reason the kids at his new schools, one after another after another as he and his mom moved constantly to try not to be found, left him alone. 

“Kauri, he can’t-... Jameson’s not. He can’t live on his own.”

“That’s a lie,” Kauri says, lips barely moving. “That’s a lie they tell us-”

“No, that’s not what I-... Jameson’s like Chris,” Jake says, softly. “Like Chris used to be. He was treated like an animal, Kauri. He didn’t get to use fucking utensils to eat in the last two places he was held, he told me himself. He can’t live on his own yet. If you kicked him out… Jesus Christ, Kauri, do you not remember how it felt when you were kicked out?”

Kauri looks like he’s been slapped. “Wait, Jake-... I didn’t mean-”

“We found you half-dead under a goddamn bush, Kauri, you can’t do that to someone else just because I got a little bit stabbed! Shit. Fuck. I gave him a burner phone, if he’s still got it on him, maybe I can call-”

“Jakob fucking Stanton!” Kauri yells so rarely, and Jake goes still, turning to look at him, seeing the anger written across Kauri’s face. Kauri angry is electric, and immensely sexy, and something Jake had gone so long thinking he would never see unless Vincent Shield showed up with a new idea for how to make up for all his failures by forcing himself around someone who hated him. “Will you fucking listen to me?!”

Jake just sits there, staring at him. He can’t even find the words. Eventually, he just nods.

“I didn’t kick him out on the street, I’m not that awful, and fuck you for thinking I am and we’re going to talk about that later when you aren’t half off your head from painkillers. I don’t want him here until you’re feeling better in case it happens again, so I-... so I sent him home with Nat. She doesn’t have anyone living with her right now, and she said okay, so he’s going to stay with her.” Kauri swallows, reaching slowly out to lay his hand on Jake’s leg. “He and I talked. He said it’s always been men, Jake. All of the ones who hurt him were men, one of them was... was really big like you, I guess. So I thought-... if he’s with Nat, maybe it won’t happen again for long enough for him to, to work it through in therapy and Dr. Berger maybe can give him, give him s-something to help. So maybe he won’t, um, hallucinate or… or w-whatever the next time.” Kauri’s eyes well up, glimmer with tears that don’t fall. “I was trying to help. I thought he’d feel safer with only a woman, maybe, and I sent him alone so that he’d know he can’t hurt Allyn, he was really scared of that, and…”

Jake’s mouth hangs open.

Kauri slumps over, his forehead slowly resting against Jake’s back where he sits slightly behind him now that Jake is nearly off the bed. “I had to make sure everyone’s safe. I didn’t know what else to do. I sent Chris to stay with Laken overnight but he’ll be back tomorrow, Antoni’s fucked up but he’s in his room and he’s safe, and all the rescues promised to stay in their rooms and Allyn tried to go with Jameson and I think they hate me now because I said no, but I didn’t-... I tried to think of what you would do, if it had been Chris or me he’d hurt. I was trying to be like you. I’m s-sorry if I fucked it up, I’m sorry, please, I thought you were going to die, please don’t be mad at me-”

“Kauri.” Jake turns, and uses his good hand to lift Kauri’s chin, meeting his eyes. 

Blue on blue, always. 

“I’m not mad,” He says, gently. “Not… not now. You’re right, I shouldn’t have… just been a shit deciding what you did without asking. I’m sorry. So, let me just… you spent the last couple of hours really fucking busy, huh?”

Kauri nods, kissing Jake’s fingertips, one by one. “I’m sorry,” He whispers. “I’m not… I’m not good at this, I’m not... not... I was so scared. I didn’t know what you would do, Jake, and Nat said she thought it was a good idea, so-”

“It is. It is a good idea.” Kauri blinks, surprised, and the tears that have been threatening finally run, clear as crystal, down his flushed cheeks. He looks like a fucking sculpture, Jake thinks to himself, like some artist’s idea of the perfect beautiful person. “Kauri, just. Now that I get what you were trying to do… Shit. That’s really smart.”

Kauri huffs a laugh, a kind of half-sobbing sound, and shakes his head. “It’s just, I was just guessing-”

“That’s all we ever do, too,” Jake says, voice soft. “We guess, at what we can do to help. Nat always says we make the hard choices when nobody else can. Kauri, that’s the smartest fucking idea. I’m… that’s some grace under fire shit. That’s amazing.”

“It… it is?”

“Yeah.” Jake kisses him, and Kauri tastes like mouthwash, like mint, kisses back with desperate intensity. “Yeah, Kaur. That’s even better than what I would have done. You’re so fucking smart. What made you decide to slum it with me?”

“You have a really good d-dick and I don’t w-w-want to lose access,” Kauri says, and he’s crying or laughing or maybe both. “You’re my eye candy.”

“You’re my Einstein.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck me yourself,” Jake says softly. 

“Heal a little first.” Kauri sighs, half-smiling, pulling Jake back into the bed to lay down again. “Everyone’s safe, Jake. At least for now. Everyone’s okay. You need to rest, and everyone’s going to be okay.”

Jake lets his head be maneuvered back onto the pillow, feels Kauri settle back down next to him, pulling the blankets back up over them both. He’s silent for a while, lets the soft sound of the end of the movie wash over him, showing the different endings.

“I love you,” He whispers. The way the adrenaline is fading makes him sleepy, drifting in a new drowsy haze, ready to dose off again. “So much.”

“Love you, too,” Kauri murmurs. 

He knows this - the couch-bed pulled out, watching movies and stand-up comedy at a low volume, a throb of pain somewhere that will heal only with time - by heart.

With Kauri’s weight and warmth beside him, it feels entirely, completely new.

-

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